“A Vampire Defined”

Is that too pretentious? I’m thinking about that as the title for my rock opera. Why?

Okay, hear me out. What is a vampire? A creature that lures you in and then sucks all the life out away. Lets take, oh, Sarah Marshall for example… beautiful, talented, great taste, tight body, smart and always fun to be around. So why the f*ck wouldn’t I fall for that, right?? I mean, I’ve gone over it a million times and there were no signs of what she was capable of.



But I’ve been really looking into this kind of behavior and F*CK if she wasn’t an emotional leech on me for five long years. You want evidence?? OK, here’s the evidence…

All The Things I Accomplished BEFORE Sarah Marshall:
+ Orchestrated a symphony summer series
+ Bought real estate…in Los Angeles
+ Worked my way up the TV music business to a Top Ten show
+ Lost 45 pounds since college
+ Rock hard social life
+ First draft of a damn brilliant rock opera

Things I Accomplished AFTER I Met Sarah Marshall:
- Accompanying Sarah to movie premieres and Hollywood parties
- “Cuddle-time”
- Gained weight
- Boring ‘music’ at same crappy TV show
- Getting stuck on my brilliant rock opera and not EVER being able to move forward or get ANY positive support from one unnamed selfish, emotional vampire who’s opinion meant everything to me.
- Watched Sixteen Candles 38 times.

Five years of gazing into her eyes, wild sex and comfort and security and confidence…all a trap to eventually SUCK the life out of you. that’s what chicks like Sarah Marshall thrive on. I mean why did it take me so long to see it?? Sure the sex was wild and great but who cares about that? That’s just physical comfort. Do I miss it? Maybe. Do I need it? Probably not. Do I feel the pain in my bones from missing so much? Will it fade? I hope it fades because if this feeling doesn’t fade I’m going to freak the f out.

Back to the musical!