Beat Me To The Punch

F her. F the sh** out of her. You know I’ve been thinking about it and it’s like five years! You’re just going to throw that away. I guess she is! So it’s all out on the table now. Struggling, insecure, low self-esteem, doesn’t know what she had TV actress Sarah Marshall dumped me last night. yes, the one on the stupid crime TV show with Daniel Baldwin. Or Adam or Billy or Pablo…who the F can keep ‘em straight? She probably screwing ‘em all anyway.

I couldn't sleep at all last night... close the eyes and nothing happens... all i could think about was... well you know....

But for the record, Sarah Marshall no longer loves me and probably never did and has been lying to me for years. I would love to know how long she’s been cheating.


CONTEST: I will pay anybody $500 who can tell me what jackass she left me over. $1000 for photographic evidence. $5000 if she’s naked and I can sell it to Perez Hilton.

(PS: if anybody has any pictures of Sarah, especially with the both of us in them, please email them to me when you can. A computer virus deleted mine at 4am this morning.)